Bishop to Pope. "I have good news and bad news."
Pope: "What's the good news?"
Bishop: "God is Alive."
Pope: "That's *very* good news -- what's the bad news?"
Bishop: "She's dancing with the Witches at Fort Hood."
Buttprints in the sand
One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of the Goddess they were,
But mine were not along the shore.
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of the Goddess they were,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
and I asked Her, "What have we here?
These prints are large and round and neat
But much too big to be from feet."
and I asked Her, "What have we here?
These prints are large and round and neat
But much too big to be from feet."
"My child," She said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You would not learn, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.
"Because in life, there comes a time.
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
Pagan/Wiccan Light Bulb Jokes
How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?501. One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
What do you want it changed into?
What do you want it changed into?
How many toads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, if you can remember which one used to be the electrician.
One, if you can remember which one used to be the electrician.
How many witches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they do it in Great Rites.
None, they do it in Great Rites.
How many Sex magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two, but they have to be very small!
Only two, but they have to be very small!
How many Ceremonial magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.
One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.
How many Frost "School of Wicca" witches does it take to change a light bulb?
"Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANY where! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."
"Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANY where! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A blue fish Tuesday.
A blue fish Tuesday.
How many Erisians does it take to change a light bulb?
"How many have we got?"
"How many have we got?"
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2-One to hold a ladder and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored east German machine tools
2-One to hold a ladder and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored east German machine tools
How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four. One for each direction.
Four. One for each direction.
How many members of IOT does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.
Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.
How many Proteans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many will fit?
How many will fit?
How many Asatruars does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The light from the burning monastery is sufficient, thank you.
None. The light from the burning monastery is sufficient, thank you.
How many Seax Wicca witches does it take to change a light bulb?
"Refer to my second book, "Practical Light Bulb Changing" by Raymond Buckland..."
"Refer to my second book, "Practical Light Bulb Changing" by Raymond Buckland..."
How many Pagans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that light bulbs never burned out before those damned Christians came along.
Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that light bulbs never burned out before those damned Christians came along.
How many TechnoPagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
If the computer is still working, who cares about the light bulb.
If the computer is still working, who cares about the light bulb.
How many solitary witches does it take to change a light bulb?
(If they actually ask 'how many?', drum your fingers and stare at them as you wait for them to grasp the obvious)
(If they actually ask 'how many?', drum your fingers and stare at them as you wait for them to grasp the obvious)
How many years does it take a Kitchen Witch to change a light bulb?
Already changed.
Already changed.
How many lesbian feminist Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!
Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!
How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
(Any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwords...
(Any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwords...
How many Isians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to handle publicity, and one to write the newsletter.
Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to handle publicity, and one to write the newsletter.
How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Candle light was good enough for grandma, it's good enough for me!
Candle light was good enough for grandma, it's good enough for me!
How many Brit Trad Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
13. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.
13. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.
How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
(In a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know...Initiate?"
(In a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know...Initiate?"
How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
It's a third degree secret.
It's a third degree secret.
How many years does it take a Gardnerian witch to change a light bulb?
A year and A day in an Outer Grove, a year and a day at first level, a year and a day at second level, but only third levels change light bulbs.
A year and A day in an Outer Grove, a year and a day at first level, a year and a day at second level, but only third levels change light bulbs.
How may light bulbs does it take to change a Gardnerian?
None, they can do it all by themselves, thank you very much!!
None, they can do it all by themselves, thank you very much!!
How many Alexandrian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
"Lets go see how the Gardnerians do it!"
"Lets go see how the Gardnerians do it!"
How many years does it take an Alexandrian witch to change a light bulb?
That's the Maiden's Job. Maiden - Make it so.
That's the Maiden's Job. Maiden - Make it so.
How many Alexandrians does it take to change a light bulb?
Thirteen; a High Priestess to change the bulb, and 12 coven members to hold her up under all that jewelry!
Thirteen; a High Priestess to change the bulb, and 12 coven members to hold her up under all that jewelry!
How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?
None; real Thelemites aren't afraid of the dark!
None; real Thelemites aren't afraid of the dark!
How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
Six; one to change the bulb, one to write a song about how much better the old bulb was, and four to write conflicting parodies of the second Druid's song.
Six; one to change the bulb, one to write a song about how much better the old bulb was, and four to write conflicting parodies of the second Druid's song.
How many shamans does it take to change a light bulb?
None; they shape shift into a cat or a bat, and can see in the dark.
None; they shape shift into a cat or a bat, and can see in the dark.
How many mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1,331 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to another list
203 to demand that cross posting to other lists about changing light bulbs be stopped
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this mail list
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversies
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
48 to propose new change.lite.bulb newsgroup
47 to say there is already an alt.light.bulb newsgroup
143 to ask if anyone ever did change the lightbulb
Answer: 1,331 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to another list
203 to demand that cross posting to other lists about changing light bulbs be stopped
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this mail list
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversies
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
48 to propose new change.lite.bulb newsgroup
47 to say there is already an alt.light.bulb newsgroup
143 to ask if anyone ever did change the lightbulb
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